*This month’s post is written by Diana Hutchinson*
Jay: “For the good of the team, I’ll commit to being less of a control freak.”
Me, facilitating: “Ok, Jay, what would we see or hear when you are being less of a control freak?”
Jay: “Ah, actually I’m not sure.”
…
Our client’s leadership team was wrapping up a team exercise of giving each other effective feedback, and we were in the last step where each person commits to working on one or two areas for the benefit of the team.
While Jay was rolling with the feedback from another team member of “You’re a control freak,” it wasn’t helping him see what to do differently.
In fact, as I helped the team continue to discuss what they would want to see and hear from Jay - being less of “a control freak” - they shared about a lot of things Jay controlled in the operations that were critical to getting their products shipped out to customers on time. Together, the team affirmed where it was great that Jay was in the details and controlling what happened in operations.
So why isn’t “You’re a control freak” good feedback?
The problem with the feedback given to Jay was that it was a label rather than information they could do something with.
The most effective feedback separates out evidence (what I see and hear) from inference (my story), a technique we learned from our colleague Caitlin Walker.
“You’re a control freak” is a story.
| Evidence (What I see or hear) | Inference (My Story) | |
|---|---|---|
| You are a control freak | ||
After more discussion, it came out that what was less helpful for the group was when Jay would give directions to the floor staff that didn’t match up with a leadership team decision, rather than raising a concern when the decision was being made.
| Evidence (What I see or hear) | Inference (My Story) | |
|---|---|---|
| I thought our team had agreed on a path forward, but I heard from the team on the floor that you gave a different direction | You are a control freak | |
The other characteristic about good feedback is that it includes the impact.
Sometimes our feedback leaves out the impact (so what) altogether.
Other times we try to speak for the group (“everyone” is confused).
The best feedback includes the impact on the person giving the feedback.
| Evidence (What I see or hear) | Inference (My Story) | Impact (So what?) |
|---|---|---|
| I thought our team had agreed on a path forward, but I heard from the team on the floor that you gave a different direction | You are a control freak | I'm confused about how to move forward as a team |
It’s ok to leave out the inference altogether - and it’s often easier to receive:
| Evidence (What I see or hear) | Impact (So what) | |
|---|---|---|
| I thought our team had agreed on a path forward, but I heard from the team on the floor that you gave a different direction | I'm confused about how to move forward as a team | |
Now Jay could make a better commitment to the group on how to shift to be a more effective team member:
“I will commit to speaking up about my concerns when we are making a leadership team decision, and not undermine our decisions later on.”
What story may need to change?
How is your leadership team doing giving each other effective feedback? How much might you be labeling each other as “control freaks”- and then sharing the story that someone “doesn’t take criticism well” when they react or don’t change their behavior?
What would happen if instead your people honestly shared with each other feedback focused on evidence and impact?
If you would like support to get your team providing better, more actionable feedback, let’s talk.
