Dear Sage,
Why do my decisions keep frustrating people?
I work hard to include my team when decisions need to be made. We talk through the options, explore trade-offs, and usually have good discussions. Yet when I finally make the call—especially if it’s not what someone hoped for—people seem frustrated.
I’m trying to lead well, not please everyone. Still, something about how I’m deciding isn’t landing. What might be happening here?
— Apparently the Villain Again —
Start with Clarity, Not Consensus
When you lead, someone’s going to be disappointed. Especially when you’re choosing between two good paths.
Right versus wrong is easy.
Right versus right is where leadership starts to stretch you.
Here’s the tricky part: if you always make the decision, people can feel like their voice doesn’t matter. And if you ask for input yet choose differently, they can feel unheard. It can seem like you’re caught between being decisive and being inclusive.
A Familiar Story
A leader we worked with recently faced this same tension. His team was weighing two strong options for a new service. He invited healthy discussion, asked thoughtful questions, and then announced which option he believed was best for the company. The next week, as he asked questions on how the new service was progressing, he noticed that half the team was very quiet.
He realized later that while he had invited everyone’s perspectives, he hadn’t been clear about the process he was planning to take with the decision. His team thought they were deciding together. He thought he was consulting before deciding. The result: good intent, poor alignment, and - had he not circled back with the team - they would have had poor follow-through and support of the decision.
How You Decide Matters
Leaders don’t need one right way to decide. They just need to name which way they’re deciding.
This spectrum builds on the NOLS (National Outdoor Leadership School) Decision-Making Model, adapted for organizational life. It shows how leadership shifts from directive to shared as group involvement grows.
| Approach | What It Sounds Like | When to Use It |
|---|---|---|
| Directive | "I'll make the call." | When speed, safety, or authority demand a single decision. |
| Consultative 2 | "I'm fairly sure what we need to do. Help me test it - what might I be missing?" | When the direction is clear but you want to strengthen reasoning or gain alignment. |
| Consultative 1 | "I need to make the call, and I'm not sure yet. Let's explore pros and cons together." | When insight from others will shape the best decision. |
| Commitment | "Let's decide together about what we can all be fully committed to." | When shared ownership and accountability matter more than perfect agreement. |
Each of these can be right—the key is naming which game you’re playing before you start.
Going Fast or Going Far
An old African proverb says,
“If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”
Fast decisions build short-term alignment.
Shared decisions build long-term trust.
The art is balancing both—moving fast enough to make progress while including enough voices to build commitment.
What Leaders Can Try
Say how the decision will be made. “I’m asking for input, and then I’ll decide,” or “We’ll decide this together.” Clear process means fewer surprises later.
Name the kind of choice. Ask, “Is this a right/wrong decision or a right/right decision?” It helps everyone see the tension clearly.
Acknowledge what you hear. “You made good points about X. I chose Y because…” People feel seen, even when they don’t agree.
Reflect afterward. Did the process build trust or drain it? What pattern do you notice in how your team reacts?
Seeing the Real Work of Decisions
Leadership isn’t about having the perfect answer. It’s about creating enough clarity that others can move forward with you. When people understand how a decision was made, they can stay engaged even when it’s not the one they hoped for.
Good leaders don’t avoid tension; they use it to build trust.
If that’s the kind of leadership you want to strengthen, let’s start a conversation about how your team can balance speed, clarity, and inclusion in its next big decision.
